Breakups are tough times. What would you do in these situations?
Your lover packs up and leaves without a single word or explanation (Baby!?! Where you goin’?)
You’re heartbroken and your situation seems hopeless
Getting out of bed becomes a daily struggle (and binge eating seems the best way to deal with it)
You get depressed and don’t know what to do (but you know this is NO WAY to live your life)
What if you’re happy to be done with your ex, but can’t quite seem to move on?
What if the mere thought of your ex with another man or woman throws you into Hulk-like rage?
How would you deal with these problems and get back on your feet in less than 2 weeks? If you’re at all like most people, then you don’t have a clear plan for dealing with a break up. After all, when you’re in a happy, loving relationship, why would you prepare for the end of it!Breakups are huge problems! It can take months and even years for the average person to get over a rough break up.
Breakups come in many different flavors: the Sweet “Let’s be friends, I still want to see you”, the Sour “Get away from me and stay out of my life…forever!” and the Mystery flavor “I don’t know what I want right now, but I need some time alone.” All of these lines have the same effect — they hurt to hear and can leave you devastated for weeks, months or even years. Even if you were the one to initiate the breakup, you could still be going through a rough time — and that’s totally okay.
Break up pain is a normal part of life that everyone goes through many times before finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. Wikipedia states that “roughly one-third of Americans have been through a breakup in the past ten years.” Among younger people I’m sure this statistic is a lot higher!
However, there are healthy and constructive ways to learn how to get over a break up and then there are…not so good methods. Some people can get over a past relationship in just a few days, while others need help and time.:
Here are a few things you can do to deal with a break up:
1. Cut your ex from your life. Now that your relationship is over, there’s really no reason why you should keep in contact with your ex. In fact, the more contact you have, the more you’ll think about your past. Drop your ex from your life like a bad habit for at least a few weeks. Forget about that “let’s be friends” stuff.
2. Let your emotions out! Anger, depression, frustration, sadness…whatever emotions are bottled up in your right now need to be let out. If you need a day or two to cry on the couch, that’s perfectly fine, but your priority is finding good outlets for your feelings. Check out activities in your area, catch up with your friends, play sports…whatever interests you is perfect as long as it keeps you active and gives you some kind of emotional release.
3. Pamper yourself! What special treats do you rarely indulge yourself in? An excellent home-cooked dinner, a trip to the spa, a makeover/manicure/pedicure, shopping or a sports night with the guys are all good ideas for starters. Pampering yourself shows you that you are worth special treatment and helps fight off some of the depression and neediness that comes with some break ups.
4. Give yourself enough time. Sometimes it can take months to get over your past relationship. Some people can cope faster than others, and if you’re still hurting after a few weeks, then you need to keep reminding yourself that things will get better eventually.
5. Keep a journal. I know it sounds a little silly, but putting your thoughts on paper often opens up new doors and possibilities that you wouldn’t have thought of otherwise. Writing also lets you keep track of your emotional well-being: you’ll be able to look back at your journal and see how much progress you’ve made over the past days/weeks/months. Free writing is also a great emotional release for many people.
6. It’s also equally important to look at behavior that will do you more harm than good during your recovery period. Avoid these pitfalls:
7. Don’t try to be friends with your ex! I mentioned this earlier, but it’s so important that it needs to be said twice. The more time you spend around your ex, the more likely you are to stay emotionally attached to him or her. Whether you want to get your ex back or just get over your break up, DO NOT get on the slippery slope of staying friends.
8. Put all your relationship mementos in a box and keep it out of sight. Jewelery, photos, presents and other trinkets that remind you of your ex need to be out of your life just like your ex! It might be a little rash to throw everything away at once, so box it up and stash it somewhere until you’re ready to deal with the items.
9. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s tempting and almost natural to have an internal dialogue with yourself and try to take all the blame, but this approach will only make you more depressed. Keep your thoughts positive and remind yourself how incredible you are at everything you do.
10. Don’t waste energy hating your ex. It’s so tempting to start nasty rumors about your ex, talk trash online and go out-of-your way to cause your ex to hurt. Resist your negative impulses! People around you will pick up on your bitterness and it will only come back to haunt you later on. There are far better ways to spend your time and energy.
11. Don’t keep your ex’s contact information! Honestly, I’m a big advocate for erasing your ex’s phone numbers and email addresses and deleting him or her from your facebook/myspace/other social network. Ever send your ex a text at 4 am that you regretted a few hours later? Me too! Deleted contact info is the best way to prevent these embarrassments from happening. It also goes hand-in-hand with the “cut your ex from your life” philosophy. If you ever really need to get in touch with your ex, then it should be pretty easy to dig out the contact information from one of your friends, anyway.
Still not sure how to get over a broken heart?
Don’t worry! None of these emotions and actions are your fault. If you think back to “Health” class in school, we are never taught how to cope with the end of a relationship and overcome these strong emotions. By coming to this website you’ve acknowledged that something needs to change and you’ve taken the first step towards addressing your situation. Yes! If you want to get over your breakup and move on with your life…or win your ex back…or just get control of your emotions again, then we can help.
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